Monday, October 20, 2008
im really sorry.
Oh god. Im totally speechless. I said whatever that i said without even thinking. The victim that i hated the most was the one that had ACTUALLY LOOK INTO MY BLOG and had made her opinions in her blog. I'm so sorry. I seriously do and i admitted i had done alot of sins to you people. But, you did mention that i was slow and did not reach on time. Listen here, i changed for you on this 'so-slow' factor but then, that time when we promised to meet at the interchange, it wasn't entirely my fault. I admit i did made alot mistakes..... do you guys think i did that on purpose, leaving my friends out alone? Waiting for nobody's business? I don't. I was scolded you see. With my father. I tried to tell him that at least i would call you guys before the meeting time. But he didnt let. Until you guys call me.... I knew by then you guys were angry. Let me say this again, i was full ready and prepared half-an-hour before. I had to wait for my father to give me money. This was where my mistakes were. I'm sorry about not saving my money. My father came and was totally in a freaking bad mood and scolded everyone. EVERYONE. I knew, i had to really call you guys, i lost you guys once, and i don't want to lose you twice. That's the only thing that was in my mind... nothing else. Not money.... But, i was too late. You thought i didn't change and thus, leave me feeling sunk. I sent messages, apology smses.... but it took you once and a very long time, to reply back. In the middle of apologising, you guys stopped smsing. By then, i thought this would be the last time i would gain you ppl trusts again. But i didnt surrender and lose. I tried to be friends but i kept on hated. I don't know whether i was hated by you guys or maybe just the sight of me kept you disliking me... i dont know... only god and you know. By the way, big point i want to emphasise, im not scolding you only, but everyone. Don't get me wrong by not mentioning that girl's name in. I told you i don't like her! I SERIOUSLY DON'T LIKE HER!!! Why must i like my FRIEND who stood by me, support me, accompany me? All this are factors of just a FRIEND! I dun think i have to repeat this again, but i just have to, I DID NOT SMS THOSE I LOVE YOU MESSAGES to that girl. I did not and did not intended to. So please, i beg you, stop thinking the bad side of me. I thought by then, the more i try to be your friend, the more im being hated. So, i decided to leave and ignore you people. But then, i was wrong. I was still being hated. I dun hate you guys... but you guys just show me all those bad stuffs like hating me and that's why i thought you guys were mean. I appreciate all you people's help and everything, seriously, and im totally sorry if i hurt you guys all this while with those harsh words that i blogged. If we were to have a meeting again, i promise.. i mean i'll make sure i wont be keeping any backups... i'll make sure.... i dun even want to call you names.... because you are my friends...my close friends...my happy friends... my good friends.... im very very very sorry if i called you fat chicken. i dun want to call you that seriously. Btw, every second before the time where i wrote all those harsh words, i kept on forgiving and letting those harsh words that u gave fly past me. I did not take them at all. But like wat people always say, we don't always win. I could not take it anymore and i reflect those harsh words back to you guys. I'm really really really sorry. I don't wanna fight as well. I would at least appreciate if we just ignore each other and dont pick one another. But of course, i dont expect that to happen. I expect us to be together like always. We have done alot of sins and there's still plenty of time to ask for forgiveness. i'm sorry. Btw, when i know i was wrong, i did smsed apology smses right? Wasn't that called the first move? First move starts off with basic right? Isn't that the most basic thing you should in a fight? But a single reply was so difficult for you guys to answer. But, its ok. Its just a small thing. I hope you don't find my post as an excuse or signs of hatred or any bad suffs... I'm seriously speaking out the truth. I shall erase the blogpost that i had hurt you alrites... once again, im so deadly sorry and pls, i hope you do forgive me. If you don't at least, you can reply me. I appreciate that. I'm so so so sorry once again. Please forgive me..... Friday, October 3, 2008
exams today...HISTORY AND MATHEMATICS PAPER 1!!!!!
Hey yawwsss ppl. So, um, today i've sat for my HISTORY and MATHEMATICS PAPER 1 exam and i'm unhappy about it. I don't think i tried my best but still, i feel like i could at least pass my exam. Ugghh...this is my problem, i just could not trust my instincts properly. Well, it all goes down to CONFIDENCE....Believe me, this is the most difficult factor i faced. Jus could not get over it.... Well, lets get back to our story, um, ok, then, after school, on the way home, we talked about the answers in our papers. I've got alot of mistakes, alot. I got to learn my other subjects properly and then, i will, make it..... Okay, but then after school, i don't know why and how it happened, but i felt like i wanted to belanja the HAHA members but too bad Hanisah wasn't there. Where did you go, Hanisah? Haixx, i wish you'd follow us just now. But what to do? Her mother maybe would not allow her follow even though she was with us. Um, ok, back to story, after i told them about the BELANJA, they were shocked eventually. Ok, lets do this in a CLEARER manner.Rusydi: Hey guys.....
[quiet..........]
Rusydi: I don't know why..but i feel like BLANJAing you guys...
[..............................................]
All: ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!?
Syaril: You, belanja us!!?
Ranjita: If this is a joke, ITS NOT FUNNY!!?
Vinushah: Wait, i think he's serious......
Rusydi: o.O okey, fine then. IM NOT SERIOUS! IM JUST JOKIN AROUND LIKE I USUALLY DO!!!? [gave them an ignorant look]
[.............................................................]
Vinushah: Ok, then. I'll follow. For once, you belanja us, then, its ok luh.
Ranjita: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! Rusydi wants to belanja us laaah!!! I'm so happy.
Syaril: Baik uh bro! Thanks uh! Your first time, man!
Well, later something weird happened. When we were at BANQUET, i took out my money and gave them the money but something made me delay in giving them the money. I had to spend alot you see. But still, i promised them. Well, thank god, i have learnt the TRUE meaning of promise. If it wasn't for INSANES, i would still be the worst of me. Thanks ppl. You guys had also helped me change. Um, okay lets get on with the story. Then, i gave them the money but they refused. They did not take the money.
Rusydi: Um, excuse me, do you want this? Isnt this what you guys need in order to eat? Take lahh! Im being sincere lahh.
Syaril: No, its ok. We have our own money.
Ranjita: Yaah, and we don't want to trouble you. Btw, thanks for the sincerity.
Rusydi: ..................... No, take lahh. I owe you guys alot, already.
Vinushah: Its ok lahh. Just take it. We don't want it. Use it on your own and spend it.
Syaril: Make sure, you keep it uh. Don't use every single cent of it.
Rusydi: You can bet on it!
Ranjita: Ok, lets go buy our food.
At that point of time, i felt very speechless. VERY. I owe them alot of stuffs and money but when i feel like paying them back, they refused. Can you believe it? They refused. I felt a sense of.... sense of..... something.. that made me think...that they are caring and nice... Each and every one of them, i felt like we, the HAHA are chained, and no matter how far we are, we are still chained.....together. What is this feeling? What is it? Its my first time having this feeling... Its strange, and yet very weird. Does it have any effect on me? Will i change if i were to trust this feeling? I just, just got to find out what is this feeling and then, when i understood everything, maybe, i would change for the best of me. The BEST. Although im not being my BEST, but still, i have visions that i would change. Change for the best and the BEST of me! I just got to step up into the path and walk without any disturbance. The path...Path of Repent and Change. I WILL start working hard to reach this long and winding road's end... even if it takes years.... Woah, I guess this feeling had motivated me and make me emotional i guess? Monday's Literature END OF YEAR and i shall get my eyes extra BIG, WIDE an BAGGY-EYED. I feel so... one kind right now and i want to stop my post here. I just don't feel like continuing anymore. I had enough. I'm sorry ppl. Byebye and study hard. Ciaoz....................................................................................
